Tug of envy

You know these people, who flash others with the photos from their adventurous life? Nobody knows where they get their money from, they just travel, get tan, do fun stuff and they seem to be happy as a clam. When you are dying behind your desk at work, they switch their profile picture into something like this:

And you want to give them a high five. With a chair. Against their face.

Two weeks ago I celebrated my 28th birthday. I got lovely wishes, and a mug with the Moomins and so much love that I felt like I'm bombed with kittens and rainbow. What I noticed, is that many people would tell me how cool I am to make my dreams come true. That they admire how I just make things happen. That when I want something, I just reach for it and get it, and I travel and I get tan and I do fun stuff. I would blush, and mumble "Thanks", and feel great, you know, like I'm some sort of a superhero. 

But I want you to know, that everything comes with a price tag. 

I got back home in December, and I felt that I miss Warsaw summer. That Warsaw is a fantastic place to live and that it feels like a good moment to stay in one place for longer. I started seriously looking for a job a month ago. I've sent over 150 applications to TV productions companies and got invited to ONE interview. Last week I found the job offer that suits me perfectly. They are looking for someone who would be responsible for organizing the process of software development AND they are willing to teach you all the technicalities. Yay. You just need to be a good communicator and organizer and have strong language skills. I got excited and I applied, because I'm an organizing ninja. I organized so many things so far, from a Thai legal conference, to production of a TV documentary, that phew, software development, it's not like it's rocket science. I can juggle many processes simultaneously, I am great communicator and, since I set "learning how to code" as my goal #15 back in 2013, I really wanted to see if I would like working in IT.

When they invited me for an interview, I almost fainted. I really thought we are a perfect match. I've read everything I could about this role, I harassed friends of my friends with questions, I even got a brand new interview outfit for this occassion. I got there and it turned out that "we will teach you", was just a figure of speech, my technical background is actually non-existent and they are not very positive about the idea of me acquiring the missing skills quickly. 

What can I say. I'm dissapointed and I feel miserable. Since I got back, I live with my mom to cut costs, but I'm dreaming about moving out, even though I love her to pieces. Being jobless slowly eats my soul and savings. Don't get me wrong, I'm very happy with my life, but this moment of misery is the price you pay for adventurous lifestyle. I'm sure that eventually I will land a job that suits me, but I know that the way to this point may be bumpy. Next time you see that smiley, tan solo traveller, and you feel that little tug of envy, think about what she doesn't want to tell you.